Are you looking for any excuse possible to contact your ex? Do you find yourself thinking about valid reasons to get back in touch? You've been obsessing, haven't you? It's okay. It happens to the best of us. There always seems to be that one ex in all of our lives that is nearly impossible to let go. We just always seemed to picture our future with him. He's the one we could seriously envision growing old with. The one we never quite got over, no matter how hard we tried or what other relationships we tried.
As much as we'd like to, we know calling him isn't a great idea. There's no point sitting outside his apartment just to try and catch a quick glimpse. There are so many more productive things we could be doing than stalking his Facebook page, and we know it. Now that it's that time of year again and his birthday is right around the corner, you're thinking it's the perfect time to reach out, right? Wrong. Put the phone down, step away from the computer and go for a walk. Do something far away from technology.
Realities
While you may think that calling your ex on his birthday is the perfect opportunity to catch up on old times and see if you can rekindle that old flame, it's not true. That's the stuff that you find in those cheesy romance movies - it doesn't really happen that way in real life. Reality is much, much different. Opening yourself up to your ex is only setting the stage for some bitter disappointment and pain. Chances are he won't pick up the phone when you come up on the caller ID. If he does answer the phone, it will probably be an awkward conversation full of strange pauses and one word answers. Do you really want to talk about the weather? Just because you're calling to wish him well on his special day does not automatically mean that he'll be waiting with a bouquet of flowers and your special song already queued on his MP3 player.
Alternatives
When his birthday rolls around, pretend that you don't remember. If you play your cards right, this may actually work out exceedingly well. Let his birthday pass you by. Don't call him, don't email him, and don't text him. If you still want to contact him a few days later and the desire hasn't passed you by, send a simple text to wish him a happy belated birthday instead. This can send the message that you're no longer pining over him, and your world no longer revolves around his star. The truth may be the opposite, but he doesn't need to know that.
Be advised that this may hurt his feelings, and that's probably the last thing in the world that you want to do. But it is effective in turning the tables and getting him to notice you again. It will also be a valuable tool in letting him know that he's not the center of your universe anymore, and it's natural for everyone to want what they don't have. It may also force him to consider the possibility that you've moved on. If any lingering feelings for you still remain, this possibility will jolt him into action, and create a natural desire in his mind for you. By seeming uninterested, it will only make him more into you.
Other Options
If you can't bring yourself to not contact him on his special day, the other option is to just send him a simple text on his birthday. Don't use any of your former pet names, and don't make it a long, drawn-out affair. Just simply say "happy birthday". Whatever you do, don't choose to make this the opportunity where you spill your guts and tell him how much you still love him, miss him and desperately want him back in your life. This is a crucial time to keep any contact brief and to the point; and if he doesn't respond, that's okay too.
Get mentally prepared for the chance that he may not respond to your message at all. It may feel like crap and make you feel ignored, so make sure you're okay with that if it happens prior to sending him the text. Don't allow yourself to get your hopes up, only to be disappointed and hurt when the worst happens. When you understand how and when to contact him there are certain tricks out there that make a response more likely.
The best gift you can give your ex is a measure of self-control. Someone that absolutely can't get over a breakup or isn't at a level of emotional maturity compatible with their age is a turn off for anyone - even more so when it's an ex. Don't make a big deal out of his birthday. Show him that it's just another day, and that it's nothing out of the ordinary. That will keep your self-esteem in tact and that's really the important thing in all of this.
Next Steps
The next lesson to master is learning to use any communication you have with your ex to your advantage. Knowing how and when to contact your ex is a crucial lesson that must be learned in order to maximize success. Certain techniques have been proven over time to make him want to get back in touch with you - and even to want to restart your relationship.
You should avoid the common mistakes that a lot of girls make when dealing with their ex. Don't find yourself in the same trap that so many other women do, or you can push your ex even further away. Make sure that you carefully read the signs he likes you before deciding to go ahead and make your move. Certain clues are evident when you're on his mind. Interpreting these signs correctly can give you the courage and the incentive to proceed - but only with caution. Make sure that no matter what you choose to do that you don't act rashly or impulsively and do/say something you may regret. Regrets can take longer to overcome than breakups do, and that's truly the last thing you want.
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